I Am Struggling

This poem came to me at 2:30am after a long day's drive back from the Mallee on my own. I was exhausted with the drive and feeling rather down after losing some money on the share market. I was also disillusioned with the defective cooling system on my car, my mail had been stolen, my expensive custom made boots were no good, my new bike needed numerous modifications which were very complicated and my relationship with Anna had recently ended. Then I had the usual gastro-intestinal problems and a sore tooth that needed a crown but I couldn't get in to see the dentist cos they're booked out... FML!

It ain't me I keep telling them! Just having a bad run of luck!

I am struggling,
On my own against my curse.
I know not who is responsible,
But it's ruining my life and will kill me in the end.
I have no way to fight it...
And I am struggling.

I am struggling,
On my own against the share market,
When economies falter and prices fall.
I buy and sell and hedge and put,
But it seems the market always finds a way to stop me...
And I am struggling.

I am struggling,
On my own to realise my music.
But the industry won't give me a break,
I can't find a group to play with,
The software I use won't work anymore...
And I am struggling.

I am struggling,
On my own to find a relationship that works.
I do what I think is right,
But each partner just wants to fight,
And sex is no good anymore...
And I am struggling.

I am struggling,
On my own to finish my current project,
But it is more difficult than I had thought.
There's no one I can turn to.
I don't know how to solve it...
And I am struggling.

I am struggling,
On my own to have a social life.
My family and friends are far away.
I keep in contact by phone or internet but it's not the same.
It's lonely living like this...
And I am struggling.

I am struggling,
On my own with various health problems.
I was once as strong and healthy as a bull,
And thought I would stay like that until 60 at least.
But I feel decrepit already at 53...
And I am struggling.

I am struggling,
On my own to find any joy in life.
My greatest pleasures have been removed.
I am thwarted in achieving my goals.
It's difficult to maintain my self esteem...
And I am struggling.

I am struggling,
On my own against all these things and more.
But I am not suffering from depression, because I am tough and resourceful.
I'm just having a bad trot that's been going on for years,
But things are not improving...
And I am struggling.

Warren Mars - September 2014