Most people know that there is no rhyme for "orange", less are aware that there is no rhyme for "purple", and few indeed have explored this idea far enough to discover that there is no rhyme for "olive". After a discussion with my sister on the subject I began to think about all the colours that have no rhyme. Without doing an exhaustive search I was easily able to come up with 10.
Being a smart-arse, and the sort of man that relishes a challenge, I thought I would write a poem that finds rhymes for all these impossible words. Initially I planned to invent words like "gorange" and "turple" to make the rhymes, but as I went further I found other ways, twisting normal words to make them fit and like all fine art it acquired a life of its own! I didn't use all 10 as I felt 9 was quite enough. I left out "apricot".
It's all very well to write nonsense, but if it's complete nonsense it quickly becomes boring. This poem may be full of made-up, twisted and obscure words, but they ALL mean something! As such, each verse is telling a real story and there may even be some deliberate subtext in various places, (and accidental in others). In order to strengthen this poem's claim to be far more than nonsense, I have included definitions of the various dodgy rhymes, and even pictures to build these words' bona fides.
I enjoyed writing this, although it took 2 full days, including the pictures. I hope you enjoy reading it.
What do you mean: "The dictionary's clean, of anything rhyming with purple."?
Just let me but try and I'll give that the lie, by the luminous sheen of my turple.
I'll take your pooh-poohs and your short-sighted views, and show you my thorough-bred's curple.
For if limited so, my poems would flow, like an athlete that runs with a hurple.
Turple: A wizards hat, normally wide brimmed with a tall conical cap, usually of midnight blue, often with silver stars.
Curple: The hindquarters or the rump of a horse.
Hurple: An impediment similar to a limp.
a turple a curple a hurple
Next up you will chime: "There's nothing to rhyme, with the colour known widely as orange."
But that's scoffed at by many, in Abergavenny, that live at the foot of the Blorenge.
Don't try to complain, that such words cause you pain, to compare with a cervical gorange,
You won't care a damn, once you take a wee dram, of the smooth single malt of Glen Morange.
Blorenge: A prominent hill which overlooks the valley of the River Usk in Monmouthshire.
Gorange: A painful swelling caused by an infected lymph node.
Glen Morange: A distillery in Ross Shire, Scotland, famous for its single malt whiskey.
the Blorenge a gorange on the neck Glen Morange distillery
There are people that dream, of a theme or a scheme, of a sequence of hues close to olive,
But I think you'll agree, that such folk to a tee, are ignorant, tasteless and stolive.
Just look at their stairs, their tables and chairs, stained khaki, then waxed Estapolive.
Such shades are best left, in the nocturnal cleft, to mammals numbative and quollive.
Stolive: Having a reliable but boring character.
Estapolive: Having a finish redolent of polyurethane.
Quollive: Having the character of a Quoll.
Estapol varnish a numbat a quoll
It is said there's a plant, with a dye to enchant, from Pakistan known as indigo.
I confirm that's the case, as the ladies do chase, when I wear my dark slacks and my tindigo.
They once chased so far, that I took my guitar and hid myself deep in the bindigo,
Til I scared them at last, with the horrible cast, of my mask of Ithaqua the windigo.
Tindigo: A short, warm cream or bone jacket, often worn with Tyrian or Indigo pants.
Bindigo: Central Victoria grasslands rendered impassable by the prevalence of sharp seeds of the species Tribulus terrestulis.
Windigo: A malevolent cannibalistic spirit associated the Algonquian people.
a chinese tindigo bindii seed Ithaqua the windigo
So sweet to our gaze, is the archaic glaze, of that pottery known as celadon.
'Tis well they compete, with the beauty of wheat, or lilies like canna and belladon.
This light tint of green, can often be seen, at le Tour de France in the peladon.
I'm sure you'll concede, it is better indeed, than the dubious hue of a meladon.
Belladon: A lily with pink flowers: Amaryllis belladonna.
Peladon: The main pack in a cycling race.
Meladon: A tooth that has darkened due to trauma or stained by prolonged exposure to chlorophyll.
Amaryllis belladonna the peladon a meladon
(New York accent for this verse please)
It can make us all sigh, when we see up on high, the celestial welkin of azure.
That slightly green hue, of the most profound blue, brings everyone numinous plazure.
But we hate to get wet, so observers we set, and we give them the tools for to mazure.
But we shouldn't complain, of the wind and the rain, for the sky is our number one trazure.
Trazure: A horde of great value.
vapour trail in the azure instruments for mazuring a chest of trazure
There's scarce few that know, how it can be so, that we see past the blue to the violet.
When not far past red, our vision goes dead, til we look through a crystal of ziolet.
Now you know it is fun, to go out in the sun, and you mustn't turn into a cryolet.
But high energy rays, can shorten your days, sure as one four one five is a piolet.
Ziolet: A rare mineral, transparent to the visible spectrum, that absorbs light in the near infrared and emits a mixture of red and blue light which appears pink to human eyes.
Cryolet: A small frozen object.
Piolet: A short subsequence of pi such as 1415 or 26535.
a cut prism of ziolet a cryolet pi
With its chroma so rare, there's few to compare, with that fabulous crystal: the emerald.
Which despite what was guessed, was far at the test, from the green it was thought it rezemerald.
In Oz it did speak, at it's glorious peak, with a beauty that shimmered and tremerald.
But that city renowned, may no longer be found, and it's just in our hearts is rememerald.
Rezemerald: seemed like something else.
Tremerald: shook a little.
Rememerald: recollected in the mind's eye.
The famous Emerald City of Oz
So here at the end, to finish the trend: the impossible rhyming of beige.
"Something", said you, "that you never can do, so give up and act like your eizh".
Well it's done, and with zest, like all of the rest, and I hold out my hand for my weizh,
So mind it well next, when on any pretext, you launch forth to challenge the seizh.
Eizh: How many years something has been in existence. (rhymes with beige)
Weizh: Remuneration for a job performed.
Seizh: A man esteemed for his knowledge and wisdom.
Never argue with a Seizh!
Warren Mars - July 2010, revised December 2012